“One of the best ways for us...to start working against sexual assault is to assume that we know women and men who have been victimised — assume that rape has already come into our lives.” — Rus Ervin Funk, Stopping Rape: A Challenge for Men

Women who won’t stand up actively, passionately, vociferously, angrily against the activity of rape are inviting it.

Women ask: “Why are you so angry about rape, Jaye-Q?”

There is a certain justified, positive anger — a righteous rage if you please — that makes people get up, stand up — stand up for their rights. To not feel it and not act on it is to be complacent, to sit down, accept, abide, allow and, thus, to invite. Or, worse, to commit.

If you stand by while rape is perpetrated you commit rape.

Men see rape as a woman’s issue, so there’s scope to comprehend them pooh-poohing it. But women? Especially when every Trinbago woman alive today lives in fear of the threat of rape?

I’m convinced — and statistics back me up — there isn’t a man or woman living who doesn’t personally know at least two people who have been raped or otherwise sexually assaulted. You just might not know you know such a person.

It’s like the young woman who prompted these columns, even having heard of my mistreatment, still had the gall to ask why I was taking her doubt at my quoted statistics “personally?”

I was too seething at the time to rationalise my reaction to her cold scepticism.

Now I can write it down logically (though, I’m no less angry; rather, more so, having been reminded of the facts, thanks to the revision I had to do in order to convince my friend. Thanks “friend,” for the painful memories!)

To refuse to believe in the prevalence of rape is to accuse most rape victims of lying.

To refuse to believe is to refuse to do something to stop the damn thing; to say you don’t see it as a societal problem, and there’s no need for anybody to do anything about it.

To refuse to believe is to say you will not support the efforts of people who are trying to stop rape. What’s more, you’ll spend a lot of effort arguing against them, which is tantamount to arguing for rape to KEEP happening.

To refuse to believe is to diminish the agony every rape victim suffers ... which is also a rape, and a murder.

To refuse to believe is to be an abettor of rape, an accomplice to rape, thus to be a rapist.

Mostly, though, to claim to be somebody’s friend and yet disbelieve them when they talk about harmful things they’ve suffered under, and the knowledge they further suffered to gain, is to say you are not touched by that person’s pain ... to say you don’t care that they’ve been raped.

When that girl sat there, arguing hell hard for rape (though she would never see that), she became a friend to rapists. She became guilty, by extension, of being a rapist.

Any woman has the right to defend herself, to fight personally, angrily and hell-hard against a rapist.

I know too many woman who have been raped. As the statistics stand, I also know too many women who WILL BE raped.

Chances are, that doubting Thomas girl, and you, will be one of them. But don’t take that personally.

I guess it makes sense to be afraid. Many women who say rape is infrequent are afraid that if they are seen or heard to be standing out against rape and rapists, they will be raped. Which is exactly what could happen. And exactly why you must be brave and stand up and speak out so you can stop the thing, and truly stop having to be afraid.

Ah, but the easy road is to pretend none of it is true.

I can understand you being able to convince yourself rape is rare, to pretend you’re not seeing what you know you’re seeing.

After all, if a grown man can pull himself off a kicking, screaming, crying, fighting, visibly damaged or catatonic woman and convince himself, “She liked it. She wanted it,” then who is you, eh?

Come good.