Sunday 1st May, 2005

 
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Blair flare, Bush blip, blight strikes?

Spirit lash!

How else do you describe the news which on the same day read “Bush evacuated after false alarm” and “Lightning strikes Blair’s plane”?

US President George W Bush’s episode came as a blip appeared on a radar screen and security hustled him off underground, assuming that an aircraft had entered restricted space.

One wonders how it feels to wear the shoes of those who constantly live in fear of Big Brother’s errant aircraft, which are always up in everybody else’s face.

Then UK PM Tony Blair’s election plane was struck by lightning and with less of a conscience issue the loud bang saw him remain “apparently imperturbable.”

A BBC journalist told of the incident. And while Tony remained unperturbed, one wonders how much his conscience was affected, as later in the week he released the advisory which begged him to wait on UN approval prior to the start of the war on Iraq, with his cohort, Bush.

A repentant Blair released the memo, but Brits are like Trinis, and so in a who-else-we-go-vote-for attitude the incumbent is set to win Thursday’s elections, taking Labour into a third term under his leadership.

A living brawl

What did Nick Nolte expect to happen when he named his son Brawley?

The 18-year-old brawlee was arrested and charged with marijuana possession with intent to supply.

Don’t judge this Minister by his cover

Declaring he is not “soft,” Mr Minister says he prefers to “praise in public but criticise in private.”

“I am not dotish,” he said, “I may look dotish.”

To his credit his wife looks at him every day.

He said, “Everyday, my wife looking at me and saying, ‘Martin you really want this job, boy.’ ”

Crime in flight

Make of this what you may.

There was former CoP Everald Snagg’s son, Gerald Snaggs, doing a Michael Jackson à la penis fixation, entertaining the students at Princes Town Senior Comprehensive alongside ACP Winston Cooper’s announcement of the launch of the Mastrofski plan for the transformation of the Police Service.

The facing page carried two other stories of interest.

The first spoke of businessmen storming out of an anti-crime meeting because they could get no answers from the police on how to protect themselves against bandits and kidnappers. They claimed they felt even more vulnerable to the deviant as they saw the police witlessness to treat with the current assault.

Immediately below, the Guardian South Bureau reported that faulty handcuffs was the explanation for one of the few criminals that “Bobby” and they caught escaping.

Lord be with me, Christ be with me!

A friendly gesture

Pre-partum. This may not really exist, but given the symptoms of post-partum, I am tempted to think that there is evidence for such a condition.

In the Virgin Islands last week, a pregnant woman tried to run down a policeman just 24 hours before delivery.

The police chief said, “It was not clear why she tried to run the officer over, telling police she thought he was a ‘friend’.”

A new breed

This would make good for a joke book but it is no laughing matter.

In Barbados, Allison gave birth to Alex.

Famous for peas and rice and akin to mixing things, a zebra mated with a donkey and produced the foal Alex.

Some fool on two then asked, “What do you get when you mix a zebra and a donkey?”

Some options: a zonkey; a zebronkey.

Trini time

My heart goes out to the family of Ryujiro Takami, the 23-year-old train driver who crashed in Japan killing over 50 people.

At first I wondered if he had escaped the wreck and went into hiding, but on Friday it was reported that his body was found.

This young man died because he was 90 seconds behind schedule—a serious circumstance in which to find oneself in Japan with the authorities berating you publicly for long periods.

If that was the case in T&T, we would all be dead. Here, a man 90 minutes late comes up to you smiling and asks you, “Yuh waiting long?”

And if looks could kill…

Vex like hell

To all my acquaintances and some of my friends and relatives, be careful about getting vex and “swelling up like a frog.”

In Europe, toads are “puffing up and spontaneously exploding.”

So next time you decide to be vex till yuh belly want to bust, it just might.

Going Dutch

That is what this young graduate would probably have to do if he intends to set up a law practice anywhere in the Netherlands.

An honest lawyer one may yet be able to find as this one e-mailed his friends and said he had “finally finished his stupid education” and was now “looking for someone crazy enough to dump a suitcase full of money in my lap every month.”

The e-mail meant for a friend was sent in error to someone else who facilitated his career by making a multiple e-mail of it.

I always knew Fwd-ing e-mails could get you in trouble, but thumbs up for this century’s oxymoron of note: an honest lawyer! (Sorry Allison and Tyrone).

Man bites dog?

Q: “Man or dog, which has the stronger bite?

A: I am not waiting to find out.

But a Strange But True column this week gone said that I could bite harder than a Labrador. The only problem is that the Lab does not know that, nor does he care.

©2003-2004 Trinidad Publishing Company Limited

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