Saturday 31st December, 2005

 

The Golden Meggie awards

 
 
 
 
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The meggie awards, which started in 2002, give us the tongue-in-cheek opportunity to look back at the year and recognise those who made the news.

With these awards we salute those who made our jobs here at the Guardian interesting with their achievements and their foibles.

Love them or hate them, these were the newsmakers. We’ll let our journalistic objectivity slip for a moment and tell you what some Guardian feature writers really felt about those who graced our pages.

And the winners are...

Entertainment

* The “Old School But Still Happening” Award

There are some “old school” artistes who are, no matter how the years go by and the music evolves, able to stay with it and draw fans from the younger generations while maintaining their older fan base.

Winner—Black Stalin

* The “Empress” Award

Jeanille Bonterre for her startling transformation from Barbarossa “It” girl to rootsy MTV Tempo Sistah.

* The “Mash Up” Award

For the year 2005, these are the entertainers who “mash up the party.”

Artiste—Shurwayne Winchester

* The Goat-Mouth Award

Adesh Samaroo, who got into a near-fatal car crash after having a 2004 hit song called Rum Til I Die.

n “Nice Song, But Enough Already”

A great song that would have been better remembered if it were abused less.

Winner—Ordinary People, John Legend.

David Rudder sang it, Desperadoes played it and Stevie Wonder assassinated it.

* “Best Kept Secret” Award

There are some artistes billed as the “biggest ever” and yet, somehow, when they are actually happening, no one seems to know about them. Hmmm.

Winner—Burton Toney

* “Time to Throw in the Towel”

There are some entertainers who may need to take a serious look at their work and the course of their career and ask themselves this critical question: “Is it time to retire?”

Winner—Ronnie Mc Intosh (Honourable mention: Blue Ventures)

* “Say What?” Award

SS Melobugs’ shout-out to the crowd at the 2005 Chutney Monarch competition: “Are there any alcoholics in the house? Raise yuh hand if you’re an alcoholic!”

* “Say What?” Award (part deux)

Singer Shurwayne Winchester who, when asked by the

media how has crime affected him, explained that following the bombing in St James, three fetes he was scheduled to play in buss.

* The “Hip Hop Hopping” Award

DJ Hypa Hoppa who was chased off the stage by no less than eight-time Grammy nominee Kanye West when TSTT brought the hip hop artiste for a concert here on December 22. Hoppa broke into West’s act to encourage an encore when West shouted to him twice: “Get off the mic.”

* The “Hot Stuff” Award

Bunji Garlin, who proved he would do anything, even set himself on fire, to win the Soca Monarch title.

Fashion

* Best Fashion Trend

Boho Chic

* Worst Fashion Trend

The return of tropical prints. Oh, and those tacky rubber bands.

* We Like Your Style Award

This honours the celebrity whose personal style is slammin’, sexy and sophisticated.

Male—Kees Dieffenthaller for his unusual jackets.

Female—Denise Belfon for her curly mohawk.

* The “Janet Jackson Award for Wardrobe Malfunction”

Destra Garcia for the rip in the crotch of the pants she performed in at Alison Hinds’ concert. (A male patron pointed it out to her, by the way.)

Politics

* Hoax of the Year

Basdeo Panday’s wannabe Nelson Mandela jail stance.

* The “Dubya Award for Foot in Mouth”

Patrick Manning for his Mr Big comment; for his “crime is temporary” comment and the comment on using the Tarouba stadium as a shelter in the event of a tsunami.

* The “Bridesmaid” Award

Winston Dookeran, who was elected to, but has yet to assume, the post of leader of the UNC in Parliament.

* The “Ah too ‘fraid to give you ah Meggie” Award

Abu Bakr

* The “Rugrat” Award

Robin Montano for his continuous whining about everything in Parliament.

* Mamaguy of the Year

To the Members of Parliament who showed up

at the Breakfast Shed in their suits to eat lunch as a show of solidarity to the workers who were forced to close up shop—to facilitate the waterfront development, a government project.

International

* The “Board of Censors” Award—(A tie)

To the organisers of the Hurricane Katrina benefit, for scrambling in vain to do damage control after rapper Kanye West uttered the most controversial: “George Bush does not care about black people.”

To CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, who noted that the New Orleans victims of Hurricane Katrina were “so poor and... so black” that it would raise many questions. Indeed, it did.

* The “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Jesus” Award

U2 frontman Bono for his continued efforts to save Africa by seeking aid from G8.

* The “Smooth Criminal” Award

Michael Jackson for being miraculously acquitted of multiple child molestation charges.

Crime

* The “To (Not) Catch a Thief/Kidnapper” Award

Minister of National Security Martin Joseph.

* Best Duo in a Non-Action Crime Sequence

National Security Minister Martin Joseph and Commissioner of Police Trevor Paul.

* The “Money Down the Drain” Award

The multi-million-dollar blimp bought by Government to assist in solving crimes; and its twin, which arrived on Christmas Day.

* The “Case for Public Flogging” Award

The bomber behind explosions in the capital city.

Sports

* The “Judas Iscariot” Award

David Nakhid for flying to Bahrain to consider a job offer with the country’s junior football team weeks after he was dismissed from the T&T Football Association and weeks before this country’s World Cup qualifier with Bahrain’s senior team.

* The “Alta Award”

Brian Lara. The best batsman there is, Brian Lara, demonstrated that he was lacking in the literacy department when he signed a bat to freedom fighter Nelson Mandela, whom he called “...a man that have inspired the world.”

* The “It’s Just Not Cricket” Award

To Jabloteh coach Terry Fenwick for elbowing a striker from 105FM W Connection while he was celebrating a goal he scored.

Miscellaneous

* The “No-Speeka-de-Ingles” Award

The Filipino pharmacists.

* The “Hole in the Bucket” Award

The entire Fire Service for those waterless hydrants they seem to be bouncing up these days.

* The “Disaster Unpreparedness” Award

Prime Minister Patrick Manning, who “dismissed” the nation’s employees twice in one week: once for the first set of bombings in Port-of-Spain and, days later, for the arrival of Hurricane Emily. Mr Manning’s statement caused panic and massive traffic jams across the country.

* The “Margarine Award”

Anil Roberts, who is spreading himself thin as a columnist, radio host and star of advertisements and his own sports talk show on TV.

* The “Bee Gees Award for Staying Alive”

BWIA. Again.

* Quote of the year

“My father hasn’t seen the sun in days.” Mikela Panday, on her father’s jail time.

* The “Tongue-tied” Award

Not since the term Al-Qaeda has a name been so troublesome to pronounce for those in the electronic media. What is the correct pronunciation for the country Bahrain? Local commentators had several: BAH-Rain, Bak-rain, BAHArain, Burr-rain, Baaa-reign, Boo-rain.

* The “Gratuitously Litigious” Award

Seeram Maharaj, the pundit who got hit by the tree and then decided to sue the Government. Uhm… eh? Also, the Port Authority hauliers who wanted to sue Government in a pre-emptive strike during recent troubles between the port and TTMA.

* The “Don’t You Wish You Lived in Laventille” Award

To all the residents in those Westmoorings towers who tried to sell the multi-million-dollar condos in the aftermath of the Asian tsunami.

* The “Know when to Fold ‘Em” Award (A tie)

To UNC’s head honcho-elect Winston Dookeran for not being able to take what is his; and to not-quite-through-being-boss Panday for not knowing when he’s not wanted: YOU’RE FIRED, Bas! Deal with it!

* The “Showtime After Dark” Award

To Patrick Manning for his exceptional bit of advice to women in San Fernando East Constituency that they should cut down the number of children they were having by watching more television rather than having sex.

* The Golden Meggie goes to…

PM Patrick Manning.

 

©2004-2005 Trinidad Publishing Company Limited

Designed by: Randall Rajkumar-Maharaj · Updated daily by: Sheahan Farrell