There was a time when I thought Santa Claus was the king
of fantasy, starring in his own reality season. It was fun
buying into the character partly because we knew we were pretending.
I loved watching Christmas stories. Now Santa has heavy competition
from reality TV, which is really a pile of fantasy disguised
as reality.
Leading up to the Christmas season we had Dog the Bounty Hunter,
who got busted for making racist remarks against his son’s
girlfriend. We all know that Dog had a chequered past, prison
and all. Now he’s supposed to be a pillar of virtue who
rounds up bad guys.
Lucky for us Dog got on Fox TV to make amends for his racial
slurs. He vehemently denied being a racist and even offered
proof that he wasn’t a bigot. With tear-filled eyes Dog
said he has made arrangements to be buried in the middle of
the unnamed slaves in Thomas Jefferson’s estate of Monticello.
So much for Dog.
On the reality TV show Hogan Knows Best, Hulk Hogan, former
big-time wrestler, passed himself off as the perfect father.
We all noticed he was a bit bossy, but who could help but
admire his stern approach in these times defined by the lack
of discipline?
His wife and children toed the line well enough for Hogan
to win a Father of the Year award somewhere in New York. Never
mind his son, Nick, participated in one senseless drag race
that gravely injured his friend.
Then we find out that Linda, Hulk’s wife, went to California
for two weeks and sprung a surprise divorce summons on Hogan.
If that isn’t enough of a shock, some newscasters were
busy speculating that the whole thing could be a sham to split
Hogan’s assets which are being counted as we speak for
a potential law suit by the injured party in his son’s
car accident.
Oh, by the way, Hulk said the boys were never meant to drive
his speedy car. His son, Nick, just got fed up waiting for
his father to come out of the shower and they somehow got
their hands on the keys.
Unrealistic reality number three is the latest round of The
Bachelor. That creep—forgive me for I have forgotten
his name—seemed to figure out from, I Love New York that
one’s 15 minutes of fame could be extended for another
15 minutes.
Remember, New York got dumped by a shady looking character
named Tango after her first reality show ended. She got another
show with some equally unsavoury characters. The Bachelor
whittled down all the girls in his path and told the last
two he didn’t love either one of them. Looks like he’s
counting on a comeback. So much for love and charity in the
Christmas season.
Still, I have to admit the reality show that takes the cake
is Keeping Up with the Kardashians. They manage to make an
Olympic hero, Bruce Jenner, look like a heel they have to
hide their lives from.
The best episode was the one in which the Kardashian girls
made their late father, Robert Kardashian, look like a saint.
You might remember him from the OJ Simpson trial—the
first one that is. He was there by OJ’s side when OJ
returned on the “red eye” from Chicago after the
horrific murder of his wife.
Kardashian was the trusted friend who met OJ at the airport
and relieved him of his luggage, some of which were never
seen again. Kardashian read Simpson’s strange note to
the public after Simpson took off on his wild goose chase
with the police.
Kardashian hadn’t practised law for 20 years, but he
reactivated his licence so he could sit at OJ’s defence
table as a volunteer on his legal team.
In his life, Kardashian was accused of many unsavoury acts
which I won’t mention. Some of them are so outlandish
I find them hard to believe.
The real twist in the story comes, however, after the trial
when Kardashian began to express his feelings that his dear
friend OJ was really guilty. Duh, do you think?
It’s a good thing nobody knew anything about Kardashian
when they watched the episode in which Kloe got arrested for
drunk driving on the anniversary of her father’s death.
Later the family sat down to watch home videos starring their
father. There’s a pan away from Bruce Jenner to the girls
and even Jenner’s wife of 17 years who is crying over
her ex-husband.
The problem I have with reality TV is that it strives too
hard for a squeaky-clean image and that rings false. I enjoy
over-the-edge shows like Kimora Lee Simmon’s Fab Life
and Run’s House, but they almost qualify for slapstick.
Give me The Ozzie Osborne’s family show any day. They
were a mess and there was a lot of comfort in that. They didn’t
pretend to be what they weren’t. There’s no letdown
in that. They reminded us that we all have warts.
When you think about it, super success in reality TV comes
from shows like Dancing with the Stars. It’s not just
because of the glitz and glamour. It’s not just the competition.
It’s the fact that people take wrong steps. Someone faints;
someone falls; someone gets it all wrong. In the end, we can
all see that stars are human too. That’s what’s
missing in today’s fantasies.
Long ago, Santa was the one and only star this time of year:
Santa, the fat man in a red suit trimmed with white fluff.
He doesn’t try to make any huge fashion statement. His
laugh is all wrong and his belly shakes like jelly. Deep down
we all know he has a hard time squeezing through chimneys,
but somehow he manages. Sometimes he brings the wrong toys,
but we still like him. Why? Because he is so real.
