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Family
and the Aids battle
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Children are becoming parents.
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We keep demonstrating a significant ability to forget.
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Where have all the fathers gone?
President
Max Richards hit the nail on the head several times when
he gave a very relevant speech to the National Parent-Teacher
Association. He touched major issues, particularly those
that related to parenting skills and the social ills affecting
the community.
His analysis of the collapse of families was comprehensive,
profound and accurate. He displayed an enormous appreciation
of the current situation when he stated that it is more
than just neglect, but extended to abuse by predators and
suggested that the news reports may just be the tip of the
iceberg. Let us examine some his statements:
n Children are becoming parents, and this constitutes a
major problem. They have no values to pass on and are required
to nurture when they require nurturing.
n Children are slipping through the cracks.
President Richards was not prepared to be “boundarised”
by the trappings of office. His emphasis on values was a
very touching part of his soul-stirring address. Church
leaders, politicians, businessmen, youth leaders and co-ordinators
of NGOs must take his comments very seriously.
This was timing to perfection. Lara, Tendulkar, Ponting,
Chanderpaul never demonstrated better timing. In this nation,
we have to cope with a galloping murder rate that has slammed
past 355, tragedy after tragedy involving children and allegations
of corruption involving not just junior but senior police
officers and families flooded with abuse.
But it was the crisis involving two-year-old Shania Small
that rocked the nation. And it was just not the reports
but the fact that there was no mention of the parents. We
are moving from the sublime to the ridiculous and from the
ridiculous to the disgusting.
By now we should be convinced that the battle against Aids,
crime and abuse must involve the struggle—the immense
struggle to rescue families that are in deep crisis.
The battle against Aids must involve the restoration of
values in the home and in the community. You see, we keep
demonstrating a significant ability to forget, a keen refusal
to learn lessons from critical experiences and a reluctance
to return to God. We do not wish to discuss the topic of
spiritual principles until our backs are against the wall.
What a horrible scenario! We have to decide to create a
counter-culture that will overthrow the insanity in the
society. It is sheer madness to leave a mentally retarded
child to take care of a baby.
Obviously, the toddler and the mentally retarded boy had
an absentee caregiver, and an even more absent parent. Where
are the fathers in many homes of the nation? The song asks
the question: “Where have all the flowers gone?”
Well the more relevant question must be: “Where have
all the fathers gone?”
Of course, some fathers are extremely responsible, but you
have a large number who are playing the fool. Then there
are mothers who think that they must be sexual tools and
they refuse to look at the big picture.
Listen, listen, listen! It boils down to this: “Pleasure
without responsibility.” Some women claim that they
cannot do better, that they need the money. They have been
abused and this is their excuse.
And let us not forget that we have a huge “feting”
culture. Earthquakes will come and earthquakes will go,
but the fetes continue—it is always party time. The
birth of Christ is celebrated with an alcoholic splurge,
reckless driving on the nation’s roads, a poor work
ethic, abandonment of jobs, abuse and violence etc.
The battle against Aids requires an integrated approach,
simply because you have so many contributing factors including
stigma and discrimination. There are church members and
non-church members who are scared to be involved in responding
to the cries of Aids patients. Misinformation continues
to roam and serves to fuel the fears of potential caregivers.
Then there are people who believe that Aids is a curse from
God, a kind of divinely-appointed plaque. This is a theological
fallacy and does not help the society to move in a positive
direction in the battle against Aids. This kind of thinking
misrepresents God and so extends the depression that is
threatening to control the community.
I want to focus on the story of Jim Harley who recorded
his story before he died. Ten days after manifesting great
courage he died:
“My
name is Jim Harley and Aids is killing me. I encountered
the first symptoms last year, one week after one of my boyfriends
died of this disease. When I found out that the results
(of the HIV screening) were positive, I was very surprised,
but I didn’t go to see the doctor right away. I did
so when the symptoms became more apparent; then the doctor
performed a biopsy on me and he discovered I had Kaposi’s
sarcoma. ‘Jim, you have Aids,’ he told me.
“As
soon as I learnt I had that disease, I figured out that
if I told my boss, he would tell me something like, ‘Jim,
it’s not our business if you have Aids, but I’m
sure our clients would rather not to do business with persons
who suffer from that disease.’
“I
went on working for a couple of months, but my physical
condition wouldn’t stretch any further. I used to get
up at 10 o’clock in the morning, and by 2 o’clock
I was already exhausted. Soon afterward I experienced a
lung infection and finally quit my job.
“I’ve
been suffering from this disease for nearly one year now,
and it’s almost certain it’ll take me to my grave.
“There’s
a virus in my body that is devouring my tissues and organs.
Sometimes I wake up at night and feel that something inside
me is destroying my entrails.
“Some
good things have happened to me ever since I’ve had
this virus: visits from wonderful people, from relatives
I hadn’t been properly acquainted with, from friends
that have established a closer friendship with me…My
parents, however, haven’t visited me ever since they
knew I was suffering from this disease. They feel ashamed
of me.
“I’m
thankful every day for the moments of life I still have
left. But, at the same time, I feel overwhelmed by nostalgia.
Sometimes I start crying. I can’t believe how sweet
life is… but it’s going to end soon: I have no
future.
“We
can only hope that mankind will have mercy on us.
“I’m
going to close here. I want to do it with these words: I
have Aids, but Aids isn’t my problem anymore. Now it’s
your problem. I hope you do something about it. Thank you
for listening to me.”
Readers, please remember that a friend is “an angel
who lifts us to our feet, when our wings have trouble remembering
how to fly.”
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