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POWER
OF A MEMORY
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A sign of maturity is the capacity to forgive.
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Revenge weakens your immune system.
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Forgiveness is the best antidote for anger and revenge.
Blackmailers
are beasts in human form. They milk your past and then proceed
to milk your pockets. Once you start to pay them, you have
to continue paying them. They use the power of a memory
in a negative way.
Mothers in this country have horrific memories of their
sons being gunned down. Many others will have permanent
scars and will beat a hasty retreat from their dreams. Some
people have gone into a world of their own where they seek
to comfort themselves. Some people get so depressed that
not even a million psychotherapists or psychiatrists can
pull them out.
The power of a memory. In the Old Testament we read about
Esau and Jacob. Esau remembered the skullduggery performed
by his brother Jacob which was tantamount to stealing his
birthright. Jacob capitalised on his father’s blindness
and deceived him. Jacob could not wait on God to fulfil
His plan for his life. He believed that he had to fastforward
destiny and he paid an enormous price.
Some people have twisted memories and some deliberately
twist the memories. They do that in an attempt to shift
the blame so that they would not have any guilt for the
tragic consequences of past events.
Of course, there are those who live in constant denial.
Think of the revisionists who claim that the Holocaust is
the figment of the imagination of paranoid people. That
it was not so bad. Are they citizens on planet Mars or planet
Earth?
Some memories fuel revenge. You hear some people say, “I
will have nothing to do with such and such a person. They
were the worst thing to happen in my life since rotten slice
bread.” They do not understand that this kind of attitude
is really an emotional cancer that is harming them more
than their rivals.
But we need to understand that this is not a frozen cancer
going nowhere. It is an expanding cancer that interferes
with other re-lationships and may even penetrate existing
relationships. Then they can qualify for the label: toxic
people. In fact, it can even lead to displaced aggression
if the target of our anger cannot be punished.
This is the power of a memory. But there is the other side
of the coin. We have discussed the issue of the negative
impact of a memory that leads to guilt, depression, emotional
scars etc. Let us move to the next level—the positive
impact. This is the situation where a phenomenal experience
in the past can be the trigger, the catalyst for dealing
with a crisis, a potential catastrophe.
By the way, have you refused to forgive a person who was
unkind to you ten years ago, or maybe 15, or perhaps 20?
Do you realise the harmful impact this continues to have
on your mind, your body and your relationships? Do you realise
that it would decrease the efficiency of your immune system
so that you would become more vulnerable to disease? You
are going to have a partial paralysis of your immune system,
thus decreasing your ability to fight disease.
A sign of maturity is the capacity to forgive. You are in
a win-win situation when you adopt this approach. If the
perfect Christ could forgive, who are we?
I read the book that dealt with the serial rape of a teenager
by an occultic rock group. This girl was 16 years when she
was raped and subsequently killed by these demon-possessed
thugs. She was missing for more than six months.
When her mutilated body was found, and the picture appeared
on the front page of the San Luis Obispo County newspapers
in California, USA, the mother cried and cried.
She explained later on why she wept uncontrollably. She
said as she saw the picture in the newspapers, she looked
through the pictures that were in the family’s album.
Pictures of her daughter in the crib, when she walked for
the first time, pictures of her daughter going to school.
She never thought that this was how her life was going to
end.
Do you believe the homegrown terrorists or the cocaine importers
pause to think of the past and the permanent scars that
they are inflicting on thousands of families in this country?
No! They are only concerned about two things: settling scores
and their increasing bank accounts. No wonder some of them
are buying their coffins while they are still alive.
Think of the memories of families who lost a loved one as
a result of the terrorists’ attack on Mumbai—the
financial capital of India. More than 170 people killed
and many more injured. Blood and body parts strewn all over
the streets of this prestigious city. Memories! Memories!
Memories! Memories that will haunt them for the rest of
their lives unless they have dedicated professionals, family
members and friends to help them develop coping mechanisms.
Larry Yeagley in his book Beyond Anger quotes a very touching
story. The story actually comes from another book, Life’s
Extras, written by Archibald Ruthledge. He described a scenario
where two men had a pit bull fight and had to be separated
before they killed each other.
One of the men told Archibald, “After that night in
town, I figured that one of us would get the other. I knew
he always carried a gun, and I began to do the same.”
One day while riding his horse, he observed his opponent,
Bill Moore, coming in his direction. He turned off the road
intending to ambush Bill and end the story. He sat quietly
in the bushes, like a lion stalking his prey, with his “hand
on the gun and the devil in his heart.”
Surprise of all surprises. He moved aside a branch to see
his target and saw a sweet bay flower. Immediately, his
heart broke. Why? As he enjoyed the fragrance, he remembered
his mother. She loved that flower and made him go to the
swamp to collect the bush so he could plant it in the yard.
She was buried with one of those flowers in her hand.
That was the catalyst for the forgiveness which he experienced
that day. He rode out of the bushes, not to hurt or maim
his enemy, but to convert that enemy into a friend.
That is the power of a memory, the real power, the true
power. And remember that forgiveness is the best antidote
for anger and revenge.
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